Knock, Knock

So you sit on your bathroom floor and cry.

There’s no way of knowing if your life choices were mistakes. There’s no way of knowing what type of impact they’re going to have on your future.

I think the hardest part about life is trying to figure out when to let go of said mistakes and how to keep moving forward.

So you sit on your bathroom floor and cry.

You’re mad, because there’s nobody standing beside you that actually knows your pain. Nobody that’s felt the way you do, at the same point in life as you because of the same reasons as you. The ending result is that nobody can help you, and for that you’re mad.

So you sit on your bathroom floor and cry.

The hardest thoughts in this life to escape are our own. Distractions are the only things we have to make us temporarily forget about our own emotions. But distractions are just that – temporary. Until we find a distraction that creates a powerful enough emotion to help us forget those thoughts and keep moving on.

So you sit on your bathroom floor and cry.

———————————————————————————

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not always the worlds best friend. There’s people, that after writing the above, I want nothing more than to apologize to.

I’m not a motivational speaker, and I don’t want to be one in this post. I want to be honest, with both myself, my writings and whatever readers I may have.

We live in a world where being sad is not okay. If you’re too sad, there must be something wrong with you. If you’re sad for too long, then there must be something wrong with you. If you’re sad about something that others find irrelevant, then there must be something wrong with you. If there’s no immediate source for your sadness, then there must be something wrong with you.

No. Sometimes it’s okay to be sad. Sometimes it’s okay to let something “small” have a large impact on your emotions. So I’ve sat on my bathroom floor and cried. What for? I don’t know. I guess you could say I’m scared of what lies ahead, not only because it’s completely unknown, but also because over the last 3 years I can remember every choice I’ve made and still don’t have a final result of the way my future was affected. You could say that I’ve felt like I’ve lost a friend. Someone I really, really relied on and trusted, that I now feel I don’t even know anymore. Hell, maybe there’s a couple of those people the more I think about it. Maybe my own personal image and the way I perceive myself stares back at me in the bathroom mirror every morning and never lets me see past what is reflected back.

So I sat on the bathroom floor and cried. 

I’ve only had a couple moments like this in my entire life. I know people, however, that have them all the time. So I’m not writing a thousand words in hopes that the internet feels sorry for me. I’m writing it so that every person reading knows that what I’m about to say next is real, and that I hope you can find someone who understands like I do now.

We, as humans, are vulnerable. I feel that vulnerability is similar to our other traits that make us different. Example: you have a group of blondes. Sure, looking at them they’re all blonde – but they’re different shades of blonde. Some darker, some lighter, some brighter and some dull. Maybe the friend standing next to you with swollen eyes looks the way they do because they’re a little more vulnerable than you are.

So don’t look down on your friends or their problems. If they keep piling up there’s probably a reason they’re reaching out to you. If they’re looking to hangout with you all the time, maybe it’s because they’re looking for that temporary distraction. Every hour that they text, tweet or snapchat you may just be a call for a friend to talk to.

We get caught up in our own lives and our own ways of doing things. It’s inevitable and understandable. However, when it’s you sitting on your bathroom floor crying – who do you want knocking to be your distraction?

Better yet – which friends will you be knocking for?

One thought on “Knock, Knock

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